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There is one thing I want to counsel you on today:

Do NOT lower your PRICES.

I could go on and on about pricing… and how you need to price according to your value and your service and your experience and your market.  (You can go back and read all of our posts on this topic.)

Today, my message is simple…

IS IT WORTH IT?

If you do lower your prices… to accommodate for people’s budgets or client pricing constraints… then, what does that leave you with?

It leaves you with a whole lot of work for a lot less money and quite possibly an unprofitable and unsustainable business.

So, why do it?  Why lower your prices?  Why offer discounts?  Why sacrifice the future of your business?  Just so that you can have more “jobs”, more “sales”.  Well the number of sales you have doesn’t equal dollars in your pocket.  And, let’s be honest… this work is too darn hard to be doing it for free.

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This week we are playing “what if”.  (I’m feeling CHEEKY.)  Yesterday, we pondered the “what if” possibility of slashing our advertising budgets.  Today, let’s try another one…

What if you RAISED your PRICES by 20%?

(Imagine that!)

Now, my theory is that a majority of businesses in the wedding industry are under-priced.  Even if you are appropriately priced (which means you are not “low balling”) you are most likely not pricing at level that is in line with the quality and value of your service or produce.  So, I often ponder, “What if everyone in the wedding industry priced according to the real value of what they do?  What if people raised prices by 20?  What if people were confident in themselves to ask for what they deserve?”

Let’s do a little math (no, don’t turn off that browser… this is where it gets REAL):

Let’s say the average price of your service is $3000. And, let’s say your costs are $500.  So now, your profit on each wedding is $3000-500 = $2500.   And, let’s say you want to make $50,000 as your annual income.  You will have to do 20 weddings (or $50,000 divided by $2500.)

Now… let’s raise those prices by 20%:

A 20% increase in your price would be $3000 x 20% = $600.  Not too bad.  Not too much of an increase.  I think the customer could handle that.

So, now your average price is $3600. Your costs are still $500.  Now your profit is $3600-500 = $3100.  You still want to earn $50,000 for the year. At this pricing, you would have to do 16 weddings (or $50,000 divided by $3100.)

WOW!  Do you see how powerful that is?!

By raising your prices by only $600, you would have to do 20% less work… 4 LESS weddings… to achieve the same earning as before.  What does freeing up your time by 20% allow you to do? Grow your business in other ways.  WORK ON THE BUSINESS, not just IN THE BUSINESS.  Or, hell, take a vacation!

We are all working too hard for too little.

A small increase in price can have a huge effect on your earning potential.

Wow… what if we increased our prices?  WHAT IF?

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I think one of the greatest lessons I may have learned in college is how to shake hands.  In my business communication course, we actually spent a whole class devoted to shaking hands.  It may seem silly and trivial to spend several hours discussing how to properly shake hands with someone, but a bad handshake can break an otherwise great business deal.

A good handshake is part of your body language.
A GOOD handshake tells the other person:

• I’m confident.
• I’m trustworthy.
• I’m careful.
• I can do what you are hiring me to do.

On the contrary, a bad handshake gives the other person a negative impression.
A BAD handshake tells the other person:

• I’m nervous.
• I’m shy. (This can also be confused for “I’m snobby”.)
• I don’t want to know you.
• I don’t want to shake your hand.
• I doubt myself.

So, what qualifies for a good handshake?

• Shake with your PALM, not with your finger tips.
  You want to go for the other person’s palm.  Your goal is to be PALM TO PALM with that person.  Reaching only for the finger tips will result in the “limp fish handshake”.
• Be Firm
  To have a firm handshake, be a participant.  Don’t expect the other person to do the shaking.  It should be a mutual, rhythmic exchange.
• Timing is everything
  You want to shake hands for 2-3 seconds… not too long, not too short.
• Look into the other person’s eyes
  You might have a great handshake, but if the rest of  your body language doesn’t follow, you’ve lost it.  Be confident in your total body language.  When you shake someone’s hand: look at them.  Don’t look away.

Not sure how your handshake measures up?  Ask a friend to be honest with you.  And… if your handshake is a little weak: PRACTICE.  It may sound silly, but it’s an important part of the way your project yourself as a business owner.

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I remember when I started my business in 2004.  I was so excited and my only hope was that I would be able to recoup my expenses.  I had set the bar pretty low and I only hoped to break even.  I remember thinking that this was the expectation of all new businesses.  Somewhere I had heard the belief that a small business will lose money for the first couple years, so it’s OK to break even.  While it may be the norm for new businesses to first lose money, setting the GOAL at “break-even” is not a healthy goal. Nor is a goal that even makes sense.

Breaking Even Should NOT be your Profitability Goal

This is like being a baker and saying that, “Well, as long as I don’t burn the cake, then I’m OK.”  That cake might taste like yuck, but this baker doesn’t care… thank god he at least did not burn it.

Begin your business with profitability in mind.  You need to make money in this business.  If you have “breaking even” as the goal for the first couple of years, your business model will be built on a business that cannot sustain itself.  It is very difficult to change this model 2, 3, 4 years into business.

Getting Beyond Break Even

You need to create a sales plan.  You need to identify pricing that matches your market, your experience, your knowledge, your trade and the value you add to the customer.  You need to take into account your costs of sales and your expenses.  And, you need to determine how many weddings or events you have to do in order to make a decent income.  THIS number and ONLY this number should be your sales goal.  If you don’t make it, well that’s OK.  Reexamine your sales plan, readjust your promotional plan and try again.

Start with PROFITABILITY in mind… you business should do more that survive… your business must THRIVE.

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I’ve written a lot about being confident, being brave, and how we limit ourselves.  Having confidence is VITAL to your success.  Confidence sells.  Ever notice how that salesperson in Banana Republic can sell you a pair of pants because they are so confident and self-assured?  Confidence allows you to set your price and stick to it.  It draws people towards you… it makes you and your business attractive.

Gaining confidence is not an easy thing to do.  How EXACTLY do we become more confident?  Like all things, this requires practice.

Here are 3 Ways to Gain Confidence:

1. Find a Mentor
   A mentor can help to encourage you, build you up, and give you the confidence you need to know that you can achieve your goals.  A mentor can also pick you up when you make mistakes.  A mentor can help guide and teach you.  How do you find a mentor?  Ask someone locally that you admire in your field.  Look into SCORE, a non-profit organization partnered with the Small Business Administration, that connects you with a free mentor.  Inc. Magazine had a GREAT post about how to find a mentor.
2. Create a Not-to-do List
   Kelly and I have been digesting The Four Hour Work Week.  In it, Tim Ferriss  talks about having a the “not-to-do list” in addition to your To Do List.  What are the things you do that you shouldn’t be doing?  We like to look at this list not only as an opportunity to stop wasting time, but also to stop self-defeating actions.  What self-defeating behavior can you put on your “not-to-do list”?  Here’s a few ideas:  Don’t be intimidated by ______,  Don’t be fearful of _______, Don’t poo-poo compliments that people give me, Don’t slouch, etc.
3. Attend a Class, Seminar, Workshop, or Conference
   Education can be extremely powerful!  By learning something new (or even refreshing something old) you feel empowered.  I feel this way every time I leave a seminar.  I feel like I can conquer the world!  There are SEA of opportunities for education in the wedding industry.  But, don’t forget to look outside too.  What about taking a course at your local community college?  Whether it’s creative or business-related, you will feel smart and powerful.  And, those two go a long way where confidence is concerned.

Confidence is a HUGE part of who you are, your business, and your brand.  What do you do to build your confidence?

The Arctic Club Hotel, Seattle : Jeff LePlante Photography

This week we are discussing ways to promote your business through relationship-building.  On Tuesday, we discussed why it is important to always be promoting – even when we have a million things to do, we must get customers to knock on the door.  Yesterday, I gave you tips on the coffee date… specifically, how to have a focused opportunity at networking.

Today, let’s chat about visiting venues and getting to know the owners, site coordinators, and/or catering managers at these sites.  I know that wedding planners are excellent at doing site visits.  But, I often wonder why all wedding pros aren’t visiting the venues where their clients marry.

Why Visit A Venue?

In a nutshell, visiting venues makes you a much more knowledgeable wedding professional.  Here is why you need to be familiar with the wedding sites in your city, regardless of whether you shoot photos, make cakes, design invites, or something else:

• Your Art Relies on It
  You need to see the site, so that you can tailor your design/art to the style of venue.
• To Have an Opinion
  When you have a consultation with a potential client and they tell you they are getting married at the XYZ Ballroom, you better know what that looks like.  You are the expert and they are looking for your ideas.  They want to hear what design or photography or music or food would go well with that venue.
• To Build Relationships
  What is typically the first thing that happens when someone gets engaged?  They set the date.  And, they set that date based on their dream venue being available.  Then, they begin to plan.  Often, the couple will ask the venue for vendor referrals.  Some sites have preferred vendor lists.  (Some of which are paid.  I will NOT be getting into this hot topic today.)  It may take years to get on these lists, so start building relations and gaining trust now.  Also, some sites may not have lists.  The catering manager may meet with the client and try to refer them to the best match.  (Remember yesterday when I said that you have to know yourself to sell yourself?  This is why.)
• To Be Smart
  You need to know what’s happening in the industry in your city… plain and simple.  So, you need to try to meet as many people as possible.  Visiting sites and knowing the people behind them is part of you being an expert in your field.
• To Give Referrals to the Venue
  It’s like I always say: giving is more important than receiving.

Rules for Visiting Venues

This is my guide for visiting venues.

• Make an Appointment
  Event facilities have A LOT going on.  Please make an appointment and let the contact person know that you a wedding professional and want to visit their site to become more familiar with it.  Dropping by is usually not appropriate.  Also, you want to make sure that you have the right contact for the venue tour.  If you are unsure, ask your contact if he or she is the best person to show you the facility.
• Make it Snappy
  Some site people will have lots of time to chit-chat with you and you’ll be able to tell right off the bat upon meeting with them.  Others are balancing a gazillion things each day.  Please be respectful of their time.
• Be Prepared
  Yesterday, I emphasized the importance of meeting with other professionals with a focus and purpose.  This is the same for your site visits.  Make sure to have some “market research” questions ready to go.  You want to learn about the venue as much as you can.  And, you want them to learn about you too.
• Represent Your Brand
  Dress for success.  Make sure that your personal style is a reflection of your company, your brand, your image.
• Bring Some Print Collateral
  Have something small on hand to give the site contact that represents your business.  In most cases, I would recommend only leaving a business card.  Why not bring the portfolio to leave with them?  Or a super glossy catalog?  Honestly, it may not be the best time for them to have it.  Your super nice marketing material may be pushed to the side.  You want to gauge sincere interest from the venue.  In some cases, you’ll need to build the trust over time before they are ready to take on your glossy catalogs.  (Giving them something that  is ALL about YOU may seem insincere.  Didn’t you say you want to learn about THEM?)  It’s best that you follow up… which brings me to my next point.
• Follow Up
  There are two things you should do after your site visit:
  1 – Send a thank you note ASAP.
  2 – Email to follow up. This email should mention your interest in the site – and everything you learned.  This is where you can ask if the site would like more information.  “Would your clients benefit to see a small sample book of my work?”  This is where you can follow up with more print collateral, if appropriate.  (Again, it may take time to build this relationships.  Be patient.)

Meeting with wedding and event venue personnel is an EXCELLENT way to build relationships, thus promoting your business.  This is often extremely inexpensive (FREE!) and often not done by many pros.  What a great way to stand out!  So, get on it… schedule a visit with that venue that you’ve been curious to see, but never had an occasion to visit!

What do you think?  What are your tips for visiting sites?

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I’ve said this in a few posts, but I think it bears repeating:

Want to grow your business?  BUILD your NETWORK.

We spend so much time reaching out to the “high-hanging fruit” (editorial, award recognition, advertising, and so on) that we often forget that getting to know other wedding vendors, is the best way to improve your reputation, grow relationships, and get sales from referrals.

Kelly wrote a post a few months ago about making an intentional networking plan.  (You can read the post here.)  And, yesterday, I talked about spending at least one hour each day working on promotional activities. Today, I want to talk about the coffee date… this is a meeting you set with a vendor with the purpose of networking with them.

I want to share my strategy with you for these coffee dates.  I am very curious about small business, and I naturally have an investigative nature… as a result, I always want to know everything about a person’s business.  These coffee dates have a very focused business purpose.  My PURPOSE is to learn EVERYTHING about this business and the owner.

Also, I want to be able to bring business to this person.  I want to be able to refer someone to them.  It is in bringing business to them, that business will come to me.  I also want to know who their customer is so that I can make the best match.  I don’t want to send the wrong client their way.  It does neither party a good service.

What to discuss on a coffee date with a vendor…

Your coffee date needs to have a purpose and a focus.  Yes, you should talk about your personal life (family, kids, fashion, etc), but you need to make sure that you are learning about the other person.  These are some of the questions that I ask during my coffee dates.  This may seem structured (like an interview) but keep in mind, that this is something that flows natural to me, because of my business curiosity.

• Why did you start your business?  What did you do before?
• If you weren’t doing weddings, what would you be doing?
• Who is your ideal customer?  What are they like?
• What is your favorite thing to work on?  Favorite project?
• What makes you different?  What makes your business different?  What is your specialty?
• How do people find you?  How do they learn about you?
• What do you think about our market?  What is your perception on weddings in ______ (insert city)?
• How can I help promote your business?

It’s all MARKET RESEARCH…

You see where this is going?  In essence, this is marketing research.  I am conducting this research to benefit my business understanding… to benefit my marketing strategy.  But, I’m also doing this research so that I can understand what this colleague’s marketing strategy is.  There may be things that are helpful to my business.  But also, there are things here that I can use to help sell their business and to bring them referrals.

Now, if this vendor is a smart and savvy business person, they are going to be doing the same. They are going to be sizing you up, researching your business.  They will grow from it as business owners.  AND, they will be able to refer business to you.

It is only in understanding someone’s business that we can give them a quality referral.  AND , vice versa… it is only in someone understanding our business that they can give us a quality referral.  If you haven’t thought about some of these questions, as they relate to your business, make sure to do so.  You need to be knowledgeable about your business in order to best express it… in order to best promote it.  If you can’t sell it, how can someone else?

Prioritize GIVING…

During these coffee dates, the priority needs to be understanding the OTHER person and bringing them business.  It seems like you should be working on promoting yourself, doesn’t it?  But, it doesn’t work that way.  GIVE and ye shall RECEIVE.  Somehow, it just works out like that.  People will bring you business if you are a giver.  It may not even be directly from the person that you send referrals to.  It may come from someone else.  But it will come.

Increased VISIBILITY…

One of the greatest benefits of the coffee date is that you become highly visible in your community.  Let’s say you have coffee with Sally Wedding Planner on Monday and Fiona Florist on Tuesday.  Well, on Saturday, Sally and Fiona do a wedding together. Guess what they talk about?  “OH yeah – I had coffee with that photographer too!  She was so great.”  YOU eventually become the TALK of the TOWN.  If you work it… people will come to know you throughout the industry.  And, FAST!  The coffee date is very powerful.

So… whatcha waiting for? I hear the coffee grinder going.  Make a coffee date!

Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross

Your business is only as solid as your cash flow.  And, your cash flow better be positive… which means: you BETTER have paying customers. Your business is only as strong as you have customers knocking on your door.

As small business owners, we concentrate on SO many things.  Often times, it is easy to focus on the things we like most, the things that come easiest to us.  For many of us, this focus is on our craft, our art, our talent.  We started our business because we love to take photos, or play with paper, or design weddings.  But, we may not be as strong in other areas: selling or promoting.  There are probably days that we choose to work on our craft over choosing to sell, or promote.

ALWAYS be PROMOTING…

I love movies.  And, the classic film Glengarry Glen Ross paints a brutal portrayal of the cutthroat salesperson.  Alec Baldwin’s character gives a killer performance as Blake, a corporate executive, who is sent to motivate salesmen in his company.  He delivers the iconic line “Always Be Closing”… as in… you must always be closing a sale.  (Here is a clip of this famous scene.  Warning: VERY explicit language.)

Well, in order to have a sale to close, you first need to promote, and then you need to sell.  The first step needs to be PROMOTION.  ALWAYS be PROMOTING!

One hour each day

Every single day, you must carve out at least hour to work on promotional and marketing activities.  (If you prefer to block out one day a week instead, I’m OK with this.)  This “promotional hour” is a MUST.  Why?  Because without any leads, you have no sales. Without any sales, you have no cash. Without cash, you have no business.  It’s that simple.

What do I consider to be a “promotional activity”?  Anything that can lead to a potential inquiry or consult.  Here are some examples:

• Email 10 vendors to arrange a coffee date (new contacts and old ones)
• Send 10 thank you notes to people you admire
• Arrange a venue/site visit  (get to know the catering manager at a venue)
• Call a fellow colleague and ask them how they are promoting their business – brainstorm together
• Follow up on clients who’ve inquired and not yet replied to you (I do this every 3-5 days until I hear back from that person)
• Organize a networking event
• Join a networking group; attend a group meeting
• Volunteer at an event
• Attend a networking event
• Create a fun “mailer” – something catchy and fun for people to learn more about you and your business

In my opinion, these are the “low-hanging fruit”.  (They also happen to be inexpensive or FREE.)  Relationship building leads to referrals. Referrals are the greatest source of business for small business owners.  Notice that I did not list social media.  I assume that if you are reading this blog, you are doing plenty of social media networking.  Social media networking is a MUST for businesses today… and, I think most of you are doing a great job at this.  It is the tried-n-true “person to person” promotional efforts that need some building… and will bring you a lot of bang for your buck!  (More on this tomorrow.)

Be Strategic

Be intentional with your meetings, your visits, networking events, your volunteering.  Make it a point to meet the people who will be a best match for your business and your client.  You don’t need to network with every single cake baker in your city.  You need to network with the cake bakers that do business with YOUR TARGET MARKET.  (If you haven’t read our post about defining your customer, read it here.)

In a nutshell: make sure that each day has some time devoted to promoting, selling, and closing… your cash flow will thank you for it.

What do you think?  What is a GREAT way to spend your time promoting?

Now that you understand bullies a little better because of yesterday’s post, let’s build in some compassion for you, too.  There is nothing worse than second guessing yourself and feeling miserable.  When you’re in the midst of a tussle with bride, you’re bound to feel a little hurt or insecure.  And, having to fix a mistake or possibly ‘fire’ a client might leave you reeling with doubt. So, for the last post in this series, let’s talk about how to regain your confidence quickly after something goes awry.

Are you a Snapshot or Video?

Each one of us has something I call your core identity.  It’s who you believe you are at the deepest level of your being.   For instance, I know I’m honest, thoughtful, fun and caring.  For you, you might say you’re cheerful or powerful or kind or organized.

Quick, in your mind’s eye think of a picture of yourself.  I’m betting you saw a snapshot of you at a certain age.  (I used to picture myself at 22 but since 40 is the new twenty, I’m going with that )  That’s how we tend to think of ourselves- as a snapshot in time.  Like a Polaroid picture.  However, it’s more accurate to see yourself as a video- moving, changing with every minute.

When you hold onto a static image of yourself, one that’s inflexible, it becomes very difficult to deal with an integrity attack skillfully.  What is an integrity attack?

Losing Your Balance

Have you ever walked down the street then suddenly tripped over seemingly nothing on the concrete?  Or maybe you were traveling on a boat or cruise and experienced a momentary swell that took you slightly off your feet and tangled your belly?  In those moments, there’s a sense of surprise, shock, disbelief and anxiety, and an unpleasant shift in reality.

Same thing happens to each of us when someone or something threatens our core identity.  That’s an integrity attack.  Scientifically speaking, it causes a cognitive dissonance between who you think you are and who the world perceives you to be.  And, it brings on the same feelings as tripping:

Surprise What happened?

Shock How did that happen to me?

Disbelief That couldn’t be true about me?

Anxiety What if that is true about me?

When you experience an integrity attack (real or imagined). It feels awful, and it’s likely you’ll take one of two stances: maximize or minimize.

For example, say you think of yourself as a prompt person who is rarely late.  You think lateness is a sign of disrespect.  Well, your week has been crazy with rescheduling and last minute issues so you’ve been late to a few meetings.  You’re hurrying to meet your bride at the bakery for a tasting but an accident blocks traffic making you 20 minutes late.  You called, but when you arrive the bride says, ‘Gee, I guess my budget needs to be bigger if I want your full attention.’  Now, that’s an integrity attack!

Maximize:  You get totally flustered and apologize repeatedly to the bride. You call yourself an idiot and make jokes at your expense about needing a better watch. You accept all the responsibility and feel awful about being so rude.

Minimize:   You cooly brush off her comment and say you are to start tasting. Meanwhile, you wonder if you should call her on the times she’s been late to meetings or whether she could’ve gotten through traffic any better.  You didn’t cause the accident and you’re ticked.

Each reaction is an extreme, you see, on a continuum of feeling.  One end accepts all the responsibility, and the other accepts none.   And, we tend to fluctuate between them until we can regain our balance somewhere in the middle.  You can speed that process, and make yourself feel a lot better by having a Rebalancing Conversation with yourself.

Regaining Your Balance and Confidence

Simply put, the Rebalancing Conversation helps you to complexify yourself.  Yes, complexify- I made that word up.  You want to see yourself not as a static image, but as an evolving video that has a blooper track.  Recognizing that you are a much more interesting, dynamic, complicated human being than you think is a good thing.  It allows you to see your own flaws and have compassion, which in turn, allows you to have compassion for the flaws of others, namely your brides and other wedding vendors.

How do you rebalance?  You call to mind your complexity.  Let me tell you a short story about me.  Years ago, I was asked to speak at a conference in Denver, a lovely city that I’d never visited before.   I arrived in town the night before as is my custom so I could relax and prepare.  Well, shortly after arriving, I felt sick.  Nauseous, dizzy and plain crummy.

Turns out that new visitors to Denver often experienced altitude sickness that lasts about 24 hours.  Furious with myself, I ranted about how stupid I was not to check first.  How terrible my presentation would be the next day because I’d be worried about being sick on stage.  How disorganized the event was for not warning me.  I just blew up.  Then, I rebalanced.

I quietly restated my core identity-I am an organized professional who always delivers value to her audience- and allowed for more complexity:

• I am organized, but not always.
• I am a professional, but even professionals don’t know everything
• I still have valuable information to offer, even if it’s not presented at my personal best level
• I always have fun with the audience, and we will today
• I will do my best, and that will be enough

Before I knew it I had calmed down enough to think practically about the next day.  And, I shouldn’t have worried because the presentation went great and only my contact knew that I was altitude sick.

The key part of the Rebalancing Conversation is recognizing that there are times when you are your core identity and times when you are not and accepting both.  That way, you can be more flexible.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. ~ Dennis Wholey

How does this apply your wedding business? It’s crucial!  There will be brides (mothers, grooms, friends) who will try to take over your role or imply you’re not doing a good job.  There will be those who compare themselves to you, and say ‘I could do better.‘   You can either suffer their integrity attacks, or flow with them like Neo in the Matrix.  

Shift your focus away from their perception of reality back to your own, knowing whatever you do, you do it to the best of your abilities on any given day.

About PositivelyWed.com-

Dina Eisenberg, Founder and former attorney & mediator, teaches wedding professionals like you to speak and act with grace, power and confidence so you can fall back in love with your wedding business!  Grab her free audio, Contracts That Work, at http://PositivelyWed.com

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Ever work with a condescending client?  You know… the person that intends to micromanage every step of your performance?  It creates for a miserable working situation!  This week, we are having a series of posts, written by Dina Eisenberg, Founder of Positively Wed, an educational resource for wedding professionals.  This week she addresses the concerns of how to avoid working with difficult clients, and how to make the difficult relationships more peaceful.

Ok, in my first post, we talked about how to set expectations so you can avoid having difficult clients.  So what if you have a bridezilla or two in your book already?  No worries, I got your back.  While we could spend hours on talking about mindset, perspective, generating options and other conflict management techniques, I’m gonna go straight to the toughest people problems for most of us- bullies.  Let’s chat about what makes a bully, and then how to deal with him or her.

My Way or the Highway

Bullies are made, not born in my opinion.  I can’t imagine a tiny infant saying, ‘my way or else’.  OK, I have kids so I can, but you know what I mean.  It’s our experiences and how we handle them that shape our behaviors.  Kids don’t want to act out in less than positive ways they just haven’t learned any better.  Guess what?  Same thing is true for bullies.

Bullies don’t know more than one or two ways to get what they want in the world.  They tend to be stuck in one style of conflict resolution: competing.  (There are five styles: competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromise and collaboration)   A  person who competes believes her needs, wants, opinions should take precedence over anyone else’s.  Everyone know someone like this; in fact, a competer might be sitting in your chair.

Bully brides (or grooms) will act in  insulting or intimidating  ways if that worked in the past to get their way.   While it’s natural to want to placate this kind of groom and promise him the world, you’ll do both of you a good service if you stand your ground and try some creative problem-solving.

This is the foundation of how I deal with most situations in work or ‘in real life’.  When dealing with difficult clients, the key is to get curious about what they need (not want), then discover ways to satisfy that need.

Be Generous- Give the Benefit of the Doubt

In my book, being a bad client is kinda like having lipstick on your teeth.  You might not  know  you’re one until someone tells you.  Consequently, I tend to assume my clients don’t know they are being difficult.  Sounds ridiculous, I know.  But you probably know  a bride who was so focused on her day she forgot about every thing else and pursued it with complete dedication.  I know I had a near obsession with a certain stainless steel sink when we renovated our kitchen.  It happens.  If your bride knew a more skillful way to get what she needed besides badgering you, she’d be using it.  Be patient up to a point.

Be Positive!

Happiness finally rates a research study!  Scientist are discovering that having a positive attitude goes a long way toward being happier and resolving disputes.   You can influence others toward finding a positive resolution just be thinking it can happen.  Since over 70% of communication is non-verbal, sending a positive vibe is cooler than you might think.  Don’t be pollyanna-ish.  Just quietly be assured that if everyone tries hard a solution is possible. (Note: the solution chosen may not be your favorite.  That’s ok.  It’s their life.)

Be Curious

The best problem-solvers are curious.  When a client demands something impossible, take a minute to wonder why.  Then, simply ask.

Let me give you an example.  When my hubby and I got hitched I really wanted candlelight at our venue which was a gorgeous Victorian mansion.  It meant a lot to me to create an intimate, cozy atmosphere for our guests.  My florist was smart enough to ask me what mattered most of all to me.  So, when the fire marshall said no candles in a historic building, she understood how to create  the feeling I wanted without real candles.

Sure, you may have to say no but ask enough questions to 1) separate a strong desire from an actual need and 2) define a variety of ways to meet the need and 3) explore what happens if the need can’t be met.   There are a lot of ways to skin a cat, as the saying goes.   Ask some of my favorite questions:

• When you say xxx, what does that mean to you?
• What does xxx look like for you?  (i.e. elegant. What would an elegant wedding look like to you?)
• What are the three most important things you need me to know right now?
• If I could wave a wand, what would be the solution?
• If that couldn’t happen, what would be next best?
• Specifically, why won’t xxx work for  you?

Use these questions with my blessings.  I’ve discovered millions of hidden meanings and opportunities with these beauties.

Dealing with a cranky bride or overzealous groom doesn’t have to ruin your day or theirs.  You can use these tools to redirect the conversation back to something productive.  And, if all else fails, be cheered.  You don’t have to live life as that bride.

About PositivelyWed.com-

Dina Eisenberg, Founder and former attorney & mediator, teaches wedding professionals like you to speak and act with grace, power and confidence so you can fall back in love with your wedding business!  Grab her free audio, Contracts That Work, at http://PositivelyWed.com