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My Own Personal Cheerleaders…

I loved that little group.  WEB helped me tremendously in that first year in business. That group helped me become more confident.  If I was doubting myself or something I wanted to do, the group would be my cheerleaders.  If I wanted to make a connection somewhere, sure enough someone knew someone who knew someone.  I also loved helping others in that group.  I loved being able to share what I could with them about business and connect them with my net of contacts.

Always Having Support…

When I moved to Seattle, WEB disbanded.  I am still close friends with most of the gals in our group and we still share our dreams and passions with each other.  In Seattle, I was able to build other groups on which I relied on for guidance.  They were less formal than WEB, but they still provided a backboard for ideas.  Sometimes these relationships were one to one, like the one I had with Kelly.  She and I would meet every couple weeks to work on our business plans together.  And, some of them evolved into something else entirely.  This is how a group of us founded a full-fledged not for profit organization called Get Hitched Give Hope. And, I know a group of photographers in Seattle who get together monthly to simply brainstorm ideas… any idea.  The group helps each member think through options to see their ideas come to life.

People Need People…

Having a small business can be isolating.  We spend a lot of our time working alone.  And, even when we are working with others to produce an event, we are separate.  It is our company doing our work.  Their company is doing their work.  Internally, our businesses run because of one person – and maybe a few added employees or contractors.  We need the support of others to help build our businesses: to realize our dreams, to accomplish our goals, to develop ideas.

Who do you go to when you need a cheerleader?  Support?

I was fascinated by this.  And, I decided that I was going to study Tracy.  I was going to analyze her every move.  How does she do it?  I thought, “I really like Tracy.  I’m going to do everything that she does.”  And I did.  I literally copied her every move.  Well – I tried.  I’d like to think I succeeded, at least for a short while… until the next fad hit me.  I think I did this for a week.

Do you know what I learned while I was studying her every move?  It was simple: SHE WAS NICE.  (I still know Tracy and I’ll tell you, she *IS* nice.)

People sincerely liked her and liked being around her.  She was often voted “nicest” and “friendliest” and “happiest”.  She had this way of making others feel good and feel good about themselves.  Part of it was her natural positivity and part of it was her cheerful soul.  But, mostly, she was just so nice to everyone.

Tracy was nice to every single person in school… which is saying a lot for 6th grade when people aren’t always so nice.

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Nice Guys Finish First

Honest.  They do.  Eventually kharma catches up… for better or for worse it will catch up.  And, the people who are nice are the ones who are often doing the best.

I think of people that I admire in my career (and in my previous careers) and it is the people who were the nicest that are on top.

Why is this?  Well… think about it… when someone is nice to you, don’t you want to do something nice back?  I sure do.  When someone is nice to you, don’t you notice them?  When someone goes out of their way to be nice (even in a small gesture), does it make you see them more clearly?  I know that when people are kind to me, I notice them.  I want to help them back.  I want to help them as people, as business owners.  When people do nice things, I feel better about myself… and, as a result, I feel better about them too.

People do Business with People

I got to listen to Brett Culp, from Brett Culp Films talk last week at Wedding and Event Video Expo (WEVA Expo).  He shared with us his “business plan” which is a core ideology for how he runs his film business.  It’s pretty simple:

• Do Great Work
• Show it to LOTS of People
• Be REAL Nice

I love this!  I love all of it… but I especially love the “Be REAL Nice”.  These days everyone is sweatin’.  We’re sweatin’ about our equipment, our branding, our websites, our gear, our style, and so on.  BUT(!)—- all the client cares about is THE PERSON that he or she does business with.  That’s also the only thing that your colleagues in the industry care about also.  Yes, you have to provide quality and you have to be able to deliver on your promises.  But, at the end of the day… the client is less concerned what kind of camera you own and more concerned with how they are going to be treated.

Shed everything from your business… and what is left?  Are you nice?

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I talk to a lot of wedding pros every day.  And, you know what I keep hearing?

“It’s slow.  My business is slow.”

If this isn’t you, well… rock on!  But for most people I talk to these days, this is what I hear.  Day in.  Day out.

I want to share this with you because… well… maybe you didn’t know.

We tend to be optimistic in this industry.  We “make dreams come true”.  We are the Walt Disney of Weddings… making engaged couples happier than they could ever imagine.  And, this happiness is supposed to spill over into our business.  So we walk around telling people that business is great.  And, pretty soon… everyone in your local wedding industry is saying the same thing.  And, we believe it…. which bums us out… because we wonder, “Gosh.  Am I the only one who isn’t booked for the month of August?  Am I the only one who’s business is slow?”

NO.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

When I get into the heart to heart with colleagues I hear the same thing, “My business is slow.”  As Saundra Hadley recently posted, “everything is NOT puppies and rainbows“.  Everything is NOT gangbusters.  Business is not booming.  Business is slow.

Whatever economic indicators looked promising at the beginning of 2010 aren’t really coming to fruition.  YET.  They will.  But it will take some time.

It’s cliche… but…

Things WILL get better.

They will.  Until they do, keep doing what you’re doing.  Keep marketing, networking, learning, strengthening, creating.  This is an opportunity to become strong in everything you do.  That strength will bring you success.  Because when business moves fast, you’ll need your strength.

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I’ve written a lot about being confident, being brave, and how we limit ourselves.  Having confidence is VITAL to your success.  Confidence sells.  Ever notice how that salesperson in Banana Republic can sell you a pair of pants because they are so confident and self-assured?  Confidence allows you to set your price and stick to it.  It draws people towards you… it makes you and your business attractive.

Gaining confidence is not an easy thing to do.  How EXACTLY do we become more confident?  Like all things, this requires practice.

Here are 3 Ways to Gain Confidence:

1. Find a Mentor
   A mentor can help to encourage you, build you up, and give you the confidence you need to know that you can achieve your goals.  A mentor can also pick you up when you make mistakes.  A mentor can help guide and teach you.  How do you find a mentor?  Ask someone locally that you admire in your field.  Look into SCORE, a non-profit organization partnered with the Small Business Administration, that connects you with a free mentor.  Inc. Magazine had a GREAT post about how to find a mentor.
2. Create a Not-to-do List
   Kelly and I have been digesting The Four Hour Work Week.  In it, Tim Ferriss  talks about having a the “not-to-do list” in addition to your To Do List.  What are the things you do that you shouldn’t be doing?  We like to look at this list not only as an opportunity to stop wasting time, but also to stop self-defeating actions.  What self-defeating behavior can you put on your “not-to-do list”?  Here’s a few ideas:  Don’t be intimidated by ______,  Don’t be fearful of _______, Don’t poo-poo compliments that people give me, Don’t slouch, etc.
3. Attend a Class, Seminar, Workshop, or Conference
   Education can be extremely powerful!  By learning something new (or even refreshing something old) you feel empowered.  I feel this way every time I leave a seminar.  I feel like I can conquer the world!  There are SEA of opportunities for education in the wedding industry.  But, don’t forget to look outside too.  What about taking a course at your local community college?  Whether it’s creative or business-related, you will feel smart and powerful.  And, those two go a long way where confidence is concerned.

Confidence is a HUGE part of who you are, your business, and your brand.  What do you do to build your confidence?

There is an urgency these days.  And, I blame technology.  Technology has made us able to get everything quickly.  But, it has also made us impatient and antsy.  Technology has made us believe that we can get everything fast.  And, we are greatly disappointed when this is not the case.  When our businesses take time to grow, we search everywhere for fixes and answers.  We become disappointed in ourselves.  Why can’t we achieve greatness NOW?  And, we blame ourselves.

We must be patient… with ourselves… with our businesses.  Work hard, yes… but, let time do it’s work.  Some things require a little time… a little aging… a little marinating.

Be Patient.

For more wedding business insights… read our sage declarations.

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I LOVE wine tasting.  It’s probably what I miss most about living in California and Washington.  Sadly, there are no vineyards in South Florida.  I love the ritual of going from vineyard to vineyard and tasting wines, meeting the owners, talking to them about their business.  My favorite tasting rooms always have some crackers and/or cheese to nibble on.  Yes, you probably know that I do love cheese… and this adds to the whole experience.  But, the cheese and crackers add an important element to the wine tasting experience.  Their purpose is not to fill patrons’ bellies.  Their purpose is to cleanse the palate.  The cheese and crackers serve to give your tastebuds a rest, a break, between wines.  This is so that you can fully experience and taste each wine independently.  I love all of this wine tasting ritual!

What if we applied this process of cleansing the palate to our work and personal life?  What if we implemented something in our day to introduce a break between our work time and our personal time?  What if we had a habit of doing ________ to signal the end of our work day and the beginning of our personal time, our family time, our relaxation time?

When I had a studio outside of my home, this “cleansing ritual” was as simple as my drive home.  The 20 minute drive allowed my mind to wander into all sorts of different places.  Once I got home… voila!  New perspective!  However, these days, with my office now in my home, I don’t have a ritual of doing something to completely BREAK myself from my work day.  This is the peril of a) having an office in your home, and b) having technology only a few fingertips away.

But, I’ve been giving great thought to this lately.  I am going to find something I enjoy doing… and do it every day for 15 minutes between my work day and my personal time.  This can be as simple as reading a gossip magazine lazily on my sofa, going for a walk around the block, or sitting in my backyard.  I’m going to work on cleansing my proverbial “palate” every day… so that I can truly enjoy the time I spend in the evening with my family.

How about you?  What are you going to do to cleanse your “palate”?

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There are days where I feel like my mind is so full that it might just burst.  It weighs me down, causes me to feel heavy, and ultimately affects my productivity.  And, during these busy season months is when I most start to feel full… full… of thoughts, of things to do, of people to please, of places to go, of obligation.  And, it gets hard for me to see what “the big picture” is… in my business and in my life.  Things start to get fuzzy as I try to just survive each day.

BUT – I don’t want to live like this.  I need clarity.  I need peace.  And, I need to lighten up my load.  I know that I cannot function in a fuzzy state of mind and that I can’t drag around so much weight.  I know that this weight prohibits me from doing BIG things.  And, while there are ways to cope with busy season, some times I just really need clarity.  And, this need for clarity is usually more important than all of my obligations.  Having this clarity, this peace, this lightness, allows all the other things to run so much smoother.

I’ve been trying to be lighter… have more clarity… here are some ways I’ve been able to achieve this:

5 Ways to Gain Clarity

1 – Clean Your Desk

I’d say that having a messy workspace is probably the easiest way to feel overwhelmed.  And, I tend to let my desk grow into a forest of craziness.  (Hey – if you’re a stationer, you’ll understand how this can happen!)  By cleaning my desk, I instantly feel 1000 lbs. lighter.  Give it a try!  Here are 7 Steps for a Clean Desk.

2 – Find a New Workspace

And, sometimes you just need to escape the madness and focus on one thing.  If you have an office, this can simply mean shifting to another desk or couch.  If you work from home, this can be accomplished by heading to a coffeehouse for a couple hours.  The shift in scenery can do wonders for your soul.

3 – Sit in Silence for 15 minutes

I love this one.  It is sooooo challenging for me to be silent.  And, even if I’m silent, it’s challenging to stop the voices in my head.  Yes, you laugh at that… but, you know it happens to you too:

(silence)

head: Oh shoot, we need more milk.  Don’t forget to buy milk.  Geeeee… I wonder what Lili is doing at school.  Oh crap, I better pack up her suitcase for the trip before she comes home.  I just remembered, I haven’t heard back from Sarah about the samples, I better email her right now.  Oh, hmmm… what should we have for dinner?

Yes, we all do this.  And, it is making us crazy.  So, we need to be silent – even if for a short time.  Sit outside for 15 minutes, or in another room (anywhere away from your desk and computers and PDAs).  And, just sit in silence… concentrate on your breath (or bird chirping outside) if it helps to stay SILENT.  Any time you feel your mind floating away, bring it back to center.  (By the way, if your head is crazy with thoughts, it may be helpful to make a list of all those thoughts before you sit down in silence.)

4 – Go “Social Media Free” for a Day

OK – I’m going to be honest.  I haven’t done this one, unless I’ve been on vacation… in which case, I’ve been extremely successful.  But, let’s face it… I’m a social media junkie.  But, I really do want to do this.  And, I want to do this in the middle of the week.  Why?  Because I know that the constant back and forth between me and my social media apps definitely contributes to the lack of clarity that I have on some days.  How do I stay off social media?  Well, it’s simple.  Make a choice to keep off of it and do it.  But, the first part is making the choice.  So, I am going to choose next Thursday to do this.  OK – people… I know you’ll keep me to it.   And, I think the second part is to find something else to stay completely focused on.  For me, that will be the Paper Carnival, a project I’m working on with other stationers.

5 – Change Your Routine

I like change and it keeps me energized.  On days where I feel like I’m just trudging through, trying to accomplish all of my “tasks”, I feel weighed down.  And, the perfect solution is to change things up.  If  I typically write in the morning and work with clients in the afternoon, it feels good to start the morning filing papers and at a coffeehouse writing in the afternoon.  This change in routine shakes me up, and lightens me up.  I think it’s because I feel more in control of my job.  We became business owners because we wanted greater control of our careers, yet we get into a pattern of behavior that is not unlike the one we had working for “the man”.  Mix it up.  Keep it fresh.

What do you think?  How do you gain clarity and peace in your work day?

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June 15th!  That’s today!  This could only mean one thing: SUMMER is almost here!  And, in the wedding industry that means it’s busy season.  Busy season means we are all running around maxed out.  Our weekends are full of weddings, and our weeks are full of preparing and processing those weddings.  With all the “busy-ness”, it’s a miracle our heads don’t explode.

Today, I want to share…

5 Ways to Cope with Busy Season in the Wedding Industry

1 – Start the Day for YOU

Before you start your day, spend 30 minutes doing something that is going to make you feel better.  This is a great way to get focused and centered.  It may mean that you read the newspaper, go for a walk, or sit outside with a cup of coffee.  Or, let’s face it… this might mean 30 minutes organizing your workspace or creating a to-do list.  But, before you do anything for anyone, do something for yourself.  Before answering that client’s email or fixing your kids’ breakfast, spend 30 minutes doing something to start your day out right.  Having these 30 minutes helps you start the day with clarity.  I guarantee your day will go a lot smoother if you start with YOU in mind.

2 – Set Work Hours

Even though it is busy season and your workload may have just doubled (or tripled), you need to set work hours of some kind.  I do understand that you have a lot more to do: a lot more email to answer, a lot more coordinating of clients, a lot more details to keep tabs on.  But, give yourself “busy season hours”.  This may mean that you shut your computer off at 8pm (instead of what I think is an appropriate time: 6pm).  But, if you don’t shut it down at 8pm, you’ll be working til midnight “just because”.  Trust me, no “good work” is getting done between 8-12.  Furthermore, answering client email after 8pm just opens you up to the expectation that you’ll be available at all hours, and you must learn how to set your client expectations.

3 – Schedule one “selfish” thing each week

When times are busy, we often don’t allow any time for ourselves.  And, on the off chance we actually take a lunch break – let alone anything truly indulgent – we feel guilty about it.  “Oh, I really should be working right now.” WHY?  Yes, we are busy.  But, we signed up for a life of business ownership and self employment because we want to do more for ourselves and our families.  And, it seems like it’s the first thing we compromise.  So give in… schedule one “selfish” thing for yourself each week. Meet a non-wedding-industry friend for lunch, schedule a pedicure on Wednesday morning, watch a world cup match on a Thursday afternoon, take a Monday off.   You are going to put in the hard hours this summer… there is no doubt about it.  So, make up for it in some other way each week.

4 – Plan a summer break

I don’t care if it’s only a 2 day staycation at home, but plan some sort of “summer break” for yourself.  And get it on  the books NOW before the summer has evaporated.  In my previous life in the kids’ clothing industry, summers used to be VERY busy with tradeshows.  It was not uncommon for me to work straight thru from July through August.  And, before I knew it, my summer had evaporated with little to show for itself.  I spent 4 years without much of a summer because I was working so hard.  And, I know wedding pros can experience the same.  So, before summer evaporates before your eyes, schedule a few days off.  And “days off” means: no clients, no computer, no work.  (And, no excuses!)

5 – Say No

It’s OK to say “no”.  There is no way we can do it all.  People who appear to “do it all” are actually good at prioritizing.  And you must become good at that also.  When you are feeling maxed out and your list is a mile long pick SEVERAL things from that last that you are simply NOT going to do.  I know it might sound CRAZY, but you must do this in order to gain control and balance.  There are a number of things that we all work on, that we really don’t have to do.  We are busy for the sake of being busy.  Yet, we continue to do them.  CHOOSE, PRIORITIZE, SAY NO.

What are your thoughts?  How do you cope with busy season?

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Do or Do Not.  There is No “Try”.
- Yoda

Oh boy… this might unnerve some of you… but sometimes the truth must be told.  Are you really committed to making your business a success?  Or, are you full of excuses?  I ask this because I commonly hear the following things:

• If only I had more time to work on my business.
• If only I had more money to invest in XYZ.
• If only that person wasn’t so mean to me.
• If only I had more business education.
• If only I was more connected.
• If only I could _______________.

I’ve heard them ALL.  And, with each of these excuses, there are a myriad of helpful tips.  But, it really comes down to one thing: are you truly committed? OR – are these just excuses?

Don’t be a victim…

You are not a victim of your circumstances.  You have the power to do these things.  How privileged are we to live in a day and time where we have control over our careers?  Yet, we make excuses every day.  We blame outside forces when really it’s ourselves that are preventing these things from getting done.

YOU MAKE CHOICES EVERY DAY.

You either choose to do something – or you do not.  You either wake up early to find more time to work on your business – or you do not.  I don’t care if you are not a morning person.  You either want it, or you don’t.  You want to become better at business?  Read a book, read a blog, take a course.  Self-education is free.  You want to have more money to invest in XYZ?  Stop spending money on coffee in the morning.

Make a choice for your business – or don’t.  But, stop with the excuses.

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I see something happen in our industry that is extremely self-defeating: Perfection.  <WAIT, WHAT?>

Yes, you read that correctly…

Perfection is PARALYZING!

As small business owners we put A LOT of pressure on ourselves to be PERFECT. I don’t know how many people I’ve talked to that just had their logo and website designed 3 months ago and are working on rebranding again.  These people will tweak and tweak and tweak until they are blue in the face.  They will never achieve satisfaction in their branding until it is perfect.  (This means they will never achieve satisfaction.  Nothing is perfect.)  The time and the stress that they put on themselves would be better used elsewhere in their business.

Weddings MUST be perfect.  (Really?)  We believe this because this is the message we give our clients.  We tell brides and grooms that their day will be PERFECT.  Well – it never is!  (Please read what Sasha Souza says about there NOT being a perfect wedding.)  So, we torment ourselves over the linens and the flowers and the chairs.  We spend countless sleepless hours obsessed.  We literally wake up in the middle of the night unsure as to whether the recommendation we gave our client was really the very best match.

Time and Energy WASTED…

In my early days as a business owner I would wake up at 3am unsure of which pale pink paper really was the best suggestion for a client.  How much sleep and time did I waste over this?  This perfection paralyzed me.  It prevented me from doing other things.  It prevented me from moving forward.  I was stuck in that time and place… working over some inconsequential detail.  To this day, I have no idea why (or for whom) I was working on such an inconsequential need for perfection.  Was it worth it?  No.

A shift in focus…

I think I was finally cured of this paralysis when I gave birth 2.5 years ago to my daughter.  When you are juggling a business (or 2) with an infant, you really only have so many hours in the day.  You learn how to be extremely efficient.  And, you learn how to make due with less.  And, you learn how to prioritize.  No longer did I have time (or energy) to stress about perfection.

Strive for EXCELLENCE in your business NOT PERFECTION…

These days, I strive to be EXCELLENT at what I do.  Excellence is achievable.  And, I truly believe that what I do is excellent.  OH – things are not perfect.  But, they are DEFINITELY excellent.  And, I’m proud of that.  And, there are days that I even might exceed excellence.  I’m proud of that too.  But, perfect?  NEVER.

These days, I leave excellent enough alone.  The extra 2% required to perfect?  Well, 2% always becomes 10%… and then 50%.  Perfection is multiplication soup.  You think that if you just put in a little more that it will be perfect… and that obsession just multiplies.  I ask myself, “Is this excellent?”  Why, yes – yes it is.

BE CONFIDENT.

Accepting excellence versus perfection is not easy.  It requires you to be CONFIDENT.  It requires you to stop second-guessing yourself.  It requires that you stop judging yourself – and assuming that others are doing so also.  To achieve excellence, you must gain experience and education in your trade.  You must practice, practice, practice.  And you MUST be confident in what you do.

YOU ARE EXCELLENT… believe it.