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Ever work with a condescending client? You know… the person that intends to micromanage every step of your performance? It creates for a miserable working situation! This week, we are having a series of posts, written by Dina Eisenberg, Founder of Positively Wed, an educational resource for wedding professionals. This week she addresses the concerns of how to avoid working with difficult clients, and how to make the difficult relationships more peaceful.
Ok, in my first post, we talked about how to set expectations so you can avoid having difficult clients. So what if you have a bridezilla or two in your book already? No worries, I got your back. While we could spend hours on talking about mindset, perspective, generating options and other conflict management techniques, I’m gonna go straight to the toughest people problems for most of us- bullies. Let’s chat about what makes a bully, and then how to deal with him or her.
My Way or the Highway
Bullies are made, not born in my opinion. I can’t imagine a tiny infant saying, ‘my way or else’. OK, I have kids so I can, but you know what I mean. It’s our experiences and how we handle them that shape our behaviors. Kids don’t want to act out in less than positive ways they just haven’t learned any better. Guess what? Same thing is true for bullies.
Bullies don’t know more than one or two ways to get what they want in the world. They tend to be stuck in one style of conflict resolution: competing. (There are five styles: competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromise and collaboration) A person who competes believes her needs, wants, opinions should take precedence over anyone else’s. Everyone know someone like this; in fact, a competer might be sitting in your chair.
Bully brides (or grooms) will act in insulting or intimidating ways if that worked in the past to get their way. While it’s natural to want to placate this kind of groom and promise him the world, you’ll do both of you a good service if you stand your ground and try some creative problem-solving.
This is the foundation of how I deal with most situations in work or ‘in real life’. When dealing with difficult clients, the key is to get curious about what they need (not want), then discover ways to satisfy that need.
Be Generous- Give the Benefit of the Doubt
In my book, being a bad client is kinda like having lipstick on your teeth. You might not know you’re one until someone tells you. Consequently, I tend to assume my clients don’t know they are being difficult. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But you probably know a bride who was so focused on her day she forgot about every thing else and pursued it with complete dedication. I know I had a near obsession with a certain stainless steel sink when we renovated our kitchen. It happens. If your bride knew a more skillful way to get what she needed besides badgering you, she’d be using it. Be patient up to a point.
Be Positive!
Happiness finally rates a research study! Scientist are discovering that having a positive attitude goes a long way toward being happier and resolving disputes. You can influence others toward finding a positive resolution just be thinking it can happen. Since over 70% of communication is non-verbal, sending a positive vibe is cooler than you might think. Don’t be pollyanna-ish. Just quietly be assured that if everyone tries hard a solution is possible. (Note: the solution chosen may not be your favorite. That’s ok. It’s their life.)
Be Curious
The best problem-solvers are curious. When a client demands something impossible, take a minute to wonder why. Then, simply ask.
Let me give you an example. When my hubby and I got hitched I really wanted candlelight at our venue which was a gorgeous Victorian mansion. It meant a lot to me to create an intimate, cozy atmosphere for our guests. My florist was smart enough to ask me what mattered most of all to me. So, when the fire marshall said no candles in a historic building, she understood how to create the feeling I wanted without real candles.
Sure, you may have to say no but ask enough questions to 1) separate a strong desire from an actual need and 2) define a variety of ways to meet the need and 3) explore what happens if the need can’t be met. There are a lot of ways to skin a cat, as the saying goes. Ask some of my favorite questions:
- When you say xxx, what does that mean to you?
- What does xxx look like for you? (i.e. elegant. What would an elegant wedding look like to you?)
- What are the three most important things you need me to know right now?
- If I could wave a wand, what would be the solution?
- If that couldn’t happen, what would be next best?
- Specifically, why won’t xxx work for you?
Use these questions with my blessings. I’ve discovered millions of hidden meanings and opportunities with these beauties.
Dealing with a cranky bride or overzealous groom doesn’t have to ruin your day or theirs. You can use these tools to redirect the conversation back to something productive. And, if all else fails, be cheered. You don’t have to live life as that bride.
About PositivelyWed.com-
Dina Eisenberg, Founder and former attorney & mediator, teaches wedding professionals like you to speak and act with grace, power and confidence so you can fall back in love with your wedding business! Grab her free audio, Contracts That Work, at http://PositivelyWed.com
by Michelle Loretta
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